DMC5 – Passion of Sparda (Pre-prequel)
Cat Wesker: Sparda was 15 that year and playing with his yoyo while watching his favorite Korean drama on TV when he hears the announcement from the lord Mundus himself that he plans to attack and rule the human world in a week's time, because he suddenly felt like it
Katana: lol
Cat Wesker: Sparda was shocked, and afraid. <What'd happen to my drama?!?! It’s not over yet!!! Noooooo!!! My Lee Byung Hun!!!! I have to see the finale!!!>
Cat Wesker: Though he was 15 years old, he was very mature and knew how to keep a formal front.
Cat Wesker: He met up with Mundus that night and requested politely if Mundus could delay the attack to, say, 3 months later cause he really wanted to watch the finale for his drama
Katana: Wow..this is far out on so many levels
Cat Wesker: Mundus was disgusted. He couldn't believe one of his high generals would ask him of such a fucking gay favor.
Katana: This is fantastic
Cat Wesker: thank u
Katana: Kobayashi couldn't think of stuff like this if he tried
Cat Wesker: yeah.
Katana: Devil May Cry 5: The Hunt for the Mysterious Yo-Yo
Cat Wesker: So anyway, Sparda pleaded with Mundus, telling him the series was really important to him and he had planned to go to the human world for one of Lee Byung Hun's hand-shake fan conference or something and he didn’t want them to die... just yet anyway
Cat Wesker: Mundus felt ridiculed, he was not happy that his underling had the guts to tell him what to do, so he was like "Huh! If you're so desperate, I will bring forward the attack 3 days! Wahahahaa! say good bye to your ugly gay Lee Byung Hun."
Cat Wesker: oh MY G.O.D.
Cat Wesker: Sparda snapped.
Katana:
Cat Wesker: He couldn't accept the insult.
Cat Wesker: He got sooooo enraged that even his DT changed form.
Cat Wesker: It looked more adult than the 15 year old demon he should be.
Katana: trippy
Cat Wesker: Mundus called upon his other generals and warriors to fight this traitor and so Sparda fought with all his might.
Cat Wesker: His passion for Lee Byung Hun and the series was his victory factor
Cat Wesker: and then he sealed the gateway between the two worlds to make sure Mundus and his assholes couldn't get his hands on the human world.
Cat Wesker: so after he sealed the gateway, he ended up having to stay in the human word. When he turned from DT to human form he realized hey he didn’t look 15 anymore. Maybe the anger changed him.
Cat Wesker: He didn't quite know where he was too cause he was like... well he didn't study earth geography and shit
Cat Wesker: but he wanted to go to Korea wherever that was for obvious reasons
Cat Wesker: so he was like randomly asking people on the streets "How can I get to Korea please? I’d like to meet with Lee Byung Hun."
Cat Wesker: After asking a million people, a lady he didn't ask heard him mention the dude's name and perked "Did u say Lee Byung Hun?"
Cat Wesker: Sparda's eyes sparked with stars and hope, "Yesss!!! You his fan too!??!"
Cat Wesker: Eva: ^_^ I used to work in Korea for 3 years as an English teacher. He was my neighbor.
Katana: LOL
Katana: Jeez, CaT you're really getting into this
Cat Wesker: hahahahaaaa!!! what do u expect? i am god!
Cat Wesker: So Sparda made his first friend in the human world and they both geek’ed about the man
Cat Wesker: and before they knew it, they fell in love with each other.
Cat Wesker: and so they had twins and both were very happy about their family.
Cat Wesker: they got settled and all, happy, peaceful, everything they could ever ask for. Well we'll skip the part where Eva was almost traumatized to find out she's having sex with a demon during climax cause Sparda couldn’t help devil triggering.
Cat Wesker: but 4 years later or so Sparda started feeling a little depressed.
Cat Wesker: Eva could see that in him and knew what he was missing, so she told him "Go, go ahead and fly to Korea. Go have fun and we'll wait for u to return."
Cat Wesker: Sparda was so touched Eva knew what he was thinking.
Katana: Awww
Katana: how touching
Cat Wesker: Mind you he was living a very happy and contented life, but he felt like he was missing something in his life cause he's never had the chance to meet Lee Byung Hun in person and ask for a handshake and autograph just as he had dreamt of when he was younger back in hell.
Katana: Jeez, Korean programming goes even to Hell
Cat Wesker: hahahahaa!!! hell has their own cable TV
Katana: I wonder what there sex channel is called....anyway, continue
Cat Wesker: Sparda wanted to bring the whole family but he knew he couldn't afford all four of them cause he didn't earn much cause I mean c'mon he's not even from earth, what can he do as a career? So he promised he'll be back soon, along with a lot of fun stories to tell
Cat Wesker: So he left, with 4 year old Dante and Vergil and their mom waving goodbye to him at the airport.
Katana: Awww
Cat Wesker: But he never came back.
Katana: Vergil thinks "I can't believe Dad is doing this"
Cat Wesker: No one knew what happened. There was no news whatsoever, and Eva didn't know what happened, but she believed the promise that he would return.
Cat Wesker: But after 10 years Eva accepted the fact that he's no longer coming back
Cat Wesker: Maybe he met an accident, maybe he found someone else there, no one would know, but it was obvious she was hurting even though she put up a strong front, and Vergil wasn't happy about that.
Katana: Awww
Cat Wesker: Vergil couldn't believe dad betrayed them. He believed dad's prolly still hanging around in Korea kyaa'ing over some stupid slit eyed Asian freak.
Katana: LOL
Cat Wesker: He wanted to fly to Korea and kick dad's ass but they ain't got no money.
Cat Wesker: Dad kinda took most of the savings they had already. Bastard.
Cat Wesker: Dante tried to cool Vergil down telling him that if that's what dad wanted they should let him be cause dragging him back wouldn't help things.
Cat Wesker: But Vergil was pissed.
Cat Wesker: "Money... I need more money....!!"
Katana: lol
Cat Wesker: And so Vergil worked his ass off from some unknown dude to some CEO of some great greatness.
Cat Wesker: Their office building was called the Temen Ni Gru >:3
Katana: lol
Cat Wesker: So now he's got money and he told mom and Dante that they could all go to Korea now and kick dad's sorry butt.
Katana: Dante is thinking "i can't believe my brother is doing this"
Cat Wesker: hahahaha!!!
Cat Wesker: Eva didn't want to go because she had decided to let the past go.
Katana: Awww
Cat Wesker: And since mommy's not going Dante said he'd stay back with her so she's not alone.
Cat Wesker: So Vergil was like FINE, I’LL go.
Cat Wesker: So he went there.
Cat Wesker: Spent a lot of money trying to find the guy.
Cat Wesker: And after a few months he DID end up finding him.
Cat Wesker: In North Korea.
Cat Wesker: Vergil: ....The fawk?!
Cat Wesker: Sparda: T_____T!!! Son!!!! Save meeeee!!!
Cat Wesker: Vergil: What the fuck happened?! Why are you here!? Why are you dressed like a slave?! Why do you look retarded???!
Katana: Again with the echo huh. Definitely a Capcom character
Cat Wesker: Turned out, Sparda was touring Korea when he accidentally stepped past the North-South Korea border
Katana: OH SHIT!
Cat Wesker: and he was immediately sniped in the head, like 6 times.
Katana: LOL
Cat Wesker: but because he wouldn't die, I mean he can't anyway, not from gun shots,
Cat Wesker: he revived and the North Koreans were like OMFGWTFKOREANBBQ?!!
Cat Wesker: They took him in and imprisoned him, as well as experimented on his immortality.
Katana: Poor Sparda
Cat Wesker: So Vergil was like HOLY SHIT.... and got mad, but he couldn't help but whack his dad in the face before that for being so stupid as to pass the border like a dumbass.
Katana: I guess Dante definitely inherited the dumbass gene from him not Eva
Cat Wesker: hahahahha yes! hahahaha
Cat Wesker: And after that Vergil bribed North Korea with a lot of money and bailed his father out. Before they flew back home though, Sparda managed to meet with his idol (through Vergil's connections) and got a handshake, autograph and photo altogether. He was so happy he cried a river. :') Poor dude finally fulfilled his wish... Auw....
Cat Wesker: They returned back home soon after that (where is home btw? USA? London?)
Cat Wesker: and Eva burst in tears upon seeing Sparda
Katana: I don't know
Katana: Awww
Cat Wesker: while Dante burst in tears upon seeing Vergil XD
Katana: LOL
Cat Wesker: Dante: OMG!! You did it!!! You’re... You're...!! OMG!! VERGIL!!! I MISSED YOUUU!!!!
Katana: LOL
Katana: Awww
Cat Wesker: and so they lived happily ever after... until one day Dante announced to the family during dinner that he has found THE ONE in his life and proposed to Vergil on the spot.
Katana: lol
Katana: Uh...k
Cat Wesker: Eva turned into stone while Sparda spurt soup out of his nose
Cat Wesker: but that's another DMC side story.
Cat Wesker: -- The end --
Katana: *claps*
Katana: lol wow you really....wow...im lost for words
Cat Wesker: hahaha XD
Cat Wesker: hehehe man i'm pleaased with this story myself
Katana: I thought Hunnie would do a Bill Clinton move and try to tell the Dictator Kim Yung Ill to release Sparda
Cat Wesker: hunnie is just an actor...
Cat Wesker: and Sparda does not have any nationality...
Cat Wesker: he's not a citizen of any country >_>;
Katana: lol
Katana: illegal alien
Cat Wesker: yes lol
Katana: I stll prefer your other story. with Vergil and the Death Note
Cat Wesker: man i swear i need to post this on my blog lol
Cat Wesker: hahahaha u like it cos of the image of dante running around the city nekkid with his hard on bouncing up and down
Katana: lol
Katana: yeah
Katana: wats wrong with that?
Cat Wesker: no, it's perfect >:3
Katana: yep
by Cat Wesker
2 September 2009